So, Saturday night Beloved went out to get some air and think. This is what I wrote in my notebook (I didn't feel like sitting in front of a computer):
At some point, Gigi, you have to "let go and let God", as they say.
Will I always love him? Yes
Will I always forgive him? Yes
Will you take him back if he leaves? Oh. God help me, but yes...How could you turn away half of your soul?
The other day we were driving and listening to Matisyahu. The line in the song about his wife "Coming into this world our soul was torn in two. Searching for you, I've been searching for you..." I pointed it out because I always think of him. I know now that he had been thinking of her.
He is so deceived. Satan's so strong and has such a stranglehold on him. He cannot even see it. But I know what I feel and I find solace in the promise I have of peace and grace from Heavenly Father. Because I need it. Oh, but so does he.