I feel I need to make a confession here, today:
I am not perfect.
I know, I know. I can hear all of you out there gasping with shock. I'll wait while you get yourselves a paper bag and regain your composure.
Ok, so allow me to continue:
Example 1: Beloved and I were talking Saturday, and I remembered a little lie that I believed and it just got under my skin. And I let it fester there. I know. I'm not proud of it, but it is true. And then I nursed that festering wound instead of praying it away like I had been doing until then. I know...So by bedtime, my mind was so unsettled, that instead of doing what I told myself--and God--I would do...(that I would only try to talk to him about our situation when I felt the Spirit prompting me to do so.) I went ahead and talked. It didn't go well. And I felt awful. I nagged. I did. I nagged him to go to church Sunday for the whole service. I'm not proud of it.
I know why I did it.
And I as I told a certain smartest-woman-in-the-world in an email, Sometimes I just feel like I'm trying to save a drowning man who keeps throwing the blasted float-on-a-rope back.
And then I thought about it and, you know, that's kind of like the the Savior. We can lead people to Christ, but we can't make them partake of His sacrament or His Atonement and forgiveness. We can only offer it to them.
Then I found this article online. It explains that jumping into the water to save someone is the WORST way to do it, and why. So, in the spirit of learning and summer and metaphors, I'll summarize for you:
Reason#1- A conscious drowning victim is most likely panicking. It is amazing the strength a panicked person will have.In their swinging and struggling, you are likely to get knocked out. (amen, brother!)
Reason #2- The victim's fight for survival may make you a victim.For some strange reason, when a person is drowning, he often does not recognize that you are trying to help him. (right!)The victim will use any and all means to propel his body to the surface, which may mean pushing you down to push themselves up.
Drowning Rescue Step One- Decide if the person is within an arms distance of you. Lie down and scoot as close to the edge of the pool as possible, while still maintaining leverage. Reach out to the person while yelling, "Grab my hand!" It may take a few seconds, so don't panic if they don't hear you or see your hand right away. If they are within reach, they will most likely see it eventually. (Reach out to them, and let them know it!)
Drowning Rescue Step Two- Find something long that the person can grab on to. Repeat step one (lay down and reach), but this time, hold tight onto the pole. (Couldn't help thinking about faith, hope, God as being the something to hold onto)
So, there. Hope you learned something about Water Safety!
Example 2: Beloved found this blog and read some of it. And to be honest, my emotions were mixed. My first instinct was to be angry, then I felt sorry for him, because it hurt his feelings to read some people's opinions of him. Then I got irritated again and let him know it. And I'm not happy I did.
I told him that I didn't think it was very fair that he gets to read and know all my thoughts, all my feelings about this, and he doesn't even tell me one. And he goes and calls Shannon and tells her everything and he doesn't owe her crap. I know. On some level, it felt good to finally say something snarky, but I didn't like the way I handled it.
And as I thought on it more I realized, I don't care if he reads this. He is my h-u-s-b-a-n-d. He has every right to know my thoughts and feelings and concerns. Especially about this.
I decided that I'm going to take a few days off of blogging. Well, at least of publishing them. I told him I'd stop, but he said I needed to have an outlet and support. But, if he is embarrassed or hurt by the things I am posting...well, I just can't be the thing that hurts him more.
Does that make sense? Well, I hope it does. So, give me a few days to decide what I'm going to do.
I'll post again on Thursday.