How is it possible to hate an inanimate object so much? I tell you what, Beloved has a TMobile Wing. Oh my gosh. I just uploaded the image onto the blogger page. And my stomach just lurched...
I have such a visceral reaction whenever I see that thing. I know IT isn't the source of our problems, but it is what he uses to IM her and text or call her (when he isn't at work--there he skypes her). Truly, I have to talk myself through walking past it, or choosing not to notice it. Because my immediate response is to snap it into pieces and chuck it under a truck.
Beloved has it with him ALL the time. Months ago he would take that thing off as soon as he came home. I noticed that he was always with it and checking it before, but now. Ugh. He is compulsively checking it, touching it, etc. I don't think he realizes he is doing it, either. He thinks he is being so 'respectful' to me by 'not doing it in front of me'. But he just happens to need to run out to the garage for a while and come back with nothing but his phone. And he just 'has to check an email from his boss'. And he checks and re-checks it before bed. And then checks it as soon as he gets up.
Now, anyone can see that he can't make any clear-headed decisions with that thing...and Shannon...always within a finger's reach. But, I think he knows that. He doesn't want to make any clear-headed decisions. He knows what is right. He just doesn't feel like doing it right now.
It saddens me all the more, because he holds onto that thing like it is a lifeline, instead of the flaxen cord that it is.
I was thinking about him yesterday. Satan, I mean. And how he leads us around with that flaxen cord that starts out sooo light, and sooo fine that it almost invisible until it becomes a giant rope around our necks.
And I got mad and I said, "Stupid Satan!" And then, because I'm a little bit perverse, I did a little dance and sang "I have a bod-y and you-u do-on't!". But just as quickly I imagined his response, as he shakes his own tush and sings "I've got your hus-band and you-u do-on't!"
But, I pray he doesn't have him for long.
Seriously, people. He is...so...wonderful, and good, and loving, and...worth fighting for.
Our children are worth fighting for.
What we have/had is WORTH FIGHTING FOR.
and God on our side.
The family is ordained of God. (The Family: A Proclamation to the World) Anything that would tear you away can only be of Satan.
I just, don't know how to help him see what he has known all of his life.