Monday, July 27, 2009

Of Bridges and Wings and Cheaters (Yeah, you heard me!)

Well, I leaped.

I took my kids and packed up and went to visit some family and friends for a few days. Without telling Beloved. I'm still not home.

It isn't that I won't be going back home. I will. Because I need to start my life already. If it is without Beloved or with him, my kids need a sense of normalcy that only home and school and church and friends can provide them. It is the day to day life that my kids need. I'll give it to them again soon. I just need a little more time to breathe.

So, why would I get the heck out of Dodge when I have been standing by Beloved so staunchly up till now?

Well, it all started while we were on vacation visiting family 2 weeks ago. Gosh, it feels like it was a month ago. Time seems to go so slowly for me somedays.

As I was saying...

While we were on holiday (that's for you, S!), I got into Beloved's phone and read the texts between he and Shannon. There's actually a lot more to this story, but I'll post that another time...maybe.

One of the posts said, 'yes, I can't wait to see you! 13 more days!!'

And I was like, WHAT?!--ok, that was supposed to sound about 2 octaves higher than normal. Just so you know.

And I questioned him about it and he said that she has a softball tournament down in LA and he was going to say that he had a job interview there and go. Now, this just goes to show you how little he knows about me right now because I would SO have looked into that claim and he would have been told to not bother coming back once I realized it was a lie. It actually is what I did tell him. If you go, you won't have a family when you come back. You will not be welcome in our home. I said it calmly (One of the few calm things said that day. It was a BAD day.)

And then made my plans to get away so I didn't have to sit around at home wondering what he would choose.

So when we got home from our trip, I washed clothes and repacked them. I reorganized the travel gear and packed up on Monday. Tuesday I got up, got the kids ready, had a babysitter come and help me pack lunches and the car (I had to take Baby Boy to a doctor's app't so the babysitter was already there) and drove away.

I will admit, I did hope that coming home to find his family gone would be shocking. Was it?


I will admit that I did hope that it would help him realize that his family life that he thinks he can hold onto while living this other life is precious and fragile. Did it?


I will admit that I did hope it would make him think twice about going out on the 25th to be with her. Did it?


So there we are. He is now in LA at some softball tournament (she's a coach--and a middle school PE teacher). He is supposed to fly home on Tuesday morning. Funny how he said weeks ago that work told him he couldn't take ANY time off in the end of July, but somehow when she sends him an airline ticket he jumps and his work can deal with it.

Supposedly he has 'taken precautions' by making sure they have a friend there at all times. You know, so he doesn't become an actual cheater or an actual adulterer. Because what he is doing is by his definition NOT cheating.
I know, right? Anyway.

What gets me is that he didn't really try to talk to the kids or anything. It was like we were gone and he thought to himself, 'score! noone to get in the way of my freedom!' Which is what a teenager would think, so I'm pretty sure that was about the depth of what went through his mind.

I'm not sure if there is a bridge under my feet or wings on my back. But, Saturday I didn't feel either. Today I feel like I can face the day. Maybe not the future. But I can face today. That's going to have to be good enough for now.

We have not spoken since Monday night. And texted only a few times. Those I'll discuss tomorrow.

Tonight, I'm with my BFF.

Gonna watch a movie and giggle like the goofs we are.



MiMi said...

No frickin' way. He's taking precautions?? Oh, sista, you don't want to know what's going thru my head right now, so I'm not gonna say it. My mouth was hanging open though. And lots of good words were waiting to come forth.
But...sounds like you are dealing very well.
Go laugh with your BFF for a while, girl. And you have your babies. That's the best part.

Alicia said...

You've been in my prayers like crazy.

You amaze me in so many ways!!! Your head is one so straight! I know I've said that before... Your kids are so lucky to have you.

And if you ever run for office of any kind, you've got my vote.

Anonymous said...

did you know that you can sue her under an archaic(sp?) law for "steeling" your husband. i'd do it.

but go have fun. you deserve a good laugh with your bff...although i do know a man who can't have kids who's your age looking for a hot momma...although he's in the airforce...but an officer and a wonderful! lol

The Johnson Family said...

OH MY GOSH! You are an amazing woman and deserve so much more. My heart is breaking for you and especially your little angels.
The footprints poem comes to mind. Remember that He is always there and is carrying you right now!!!
You need to rethink the name "Beloved." He doesn't deserve that title any longer.

jmn2001 said...

We've been on holiday up in the mountains for the past four days and had declared it an "unplugged time" so I have been wondering how're you doing and if he had said, "Oh my goodness my family is gone, I better act like a grownup and figure my crap out." I'm sorry he hasn't and really, I'm with the first commenter..I totally want to call the lads out beat some sense into his thick head.

I still love you though! And I think you're brave to face the pain headon. Bravo.


MiMi said...

Ok, so I come back sometimes to see what others have said...and I am thinking...a single guy who can't have kids who's lookin' for a hot momma?? And an officer in the airforce? Maybe it's too soon to say this? But um...flyboys are HOT. :)
And yeah, there is a law where you can sue for alienation of feelings or some such thing.

wonder woman said...

Wow. Girl. I just can't wrap my head around his attitude. He hides all kinds of things and is willing to lie about all kinds of things, but when you call him out on it, he confesses and does it anyway. Was he robbed of a teenage/young adulthood? That's the only "logical" explanation I can see for this. He had to grow up too quickly or didn't have the "freedom" that some do as a young adult. And now he craves it. I don't know. It just blows my mind.

But it sounds like God's helping you spurt some wings. ♥♥

jmn2001 said...

Tell him he better start shopping at Safeway, cause if J or I see him at KS, we might follow him around the store with the cart "accidentally" running over the heel of his foot. Definitly no A&S type greetings anymore from J.

Anonymous said...

ok - I'll start by saying you don't know me but you know my sisters..... and my perspective in general is more pragmatic and less romantic. Here's my 2 cents. You need to see a lawyer and find out what you are looking at if he decides to really leave, or if you decide at some point to move on with your life without him. I think you need some solid advice about what to expect and plan for if things go south. For example, do you have your own copies of all your tax returns, do you have a credit card that is in your name alone, etc. etc. It might feel like you are anticipating the worst with a trip to an attorney, but really you are regaining some power and control over your life -- gives you information, gives you an opportunity to plan, and think about how to move forward from a practical standpoint, if you decide you need to. You want to fight for your marriage, but you also want to bullet proof your Plan A, Plan B and Plan C.

MochaTrina@Me So Hongry... said...

I could sit here and give you advice, but only you know what works for you. This breaks my heart, but at least your hashing this out in a dignified manner. Like I said before, I didn't even get that option. He was like, "Holla!" And I was sitting there looking like WTH just happened??? The worst part is I didn't see it coming!! Or did I????

Anonymous said...

So, I just want to say that a friend of mine referred me to your blog and I have been slowly reading it over the past week or so. You are handling all this sooooo much better than what I'd be if my husband decided to continue in his fidelity!! I am so inspired by your blog and feel like I have a kindred spirit out there who knows and expresses exactly what I'm feeling on some days. Thank you for your blog! I know you're not doing it to help others, but you are helping me along in my journey...I am just so sorry that you are also going through such a trying time in your life right now. HUGS