Well, I leaped.
I took my kids and packed up and went to visit some family and friends for a few days. Without telling Beloved. I'm still not home.
It isn't that I won't be going back home. I will. Because I need to start my life already. If it is without Beloved or with him, my kids need a sense of normalcy that only home and school and church and friends can provide them. It is the day to day life that my kids need. I'll give it to them again soon. I just need a little more time to breathe.
So, why would I get the heck out of Dodge when I have been standing by Beloved so staunchly up till now?
Well, it all started while we were on vacation visiting family 2 weeks ago. Gosh, it feels like it was a month ago. Time seems to go so slowly for me somedays.
As I was saying...
While we were on holiday (that's for you, S!), I got into Beloved's phone and read the texts between he and Shannon. There's actually a lot more to this story, but I'll post that another time...maybe.
One of the posts said, 'yes, I can't wait to see you! 13 more days!!'
And I was like, WHAT?!--ok, that was supposed to sound about 2 octaves higher than normal. Just so you know.
And I questioned him about it and he said that she has a softball tournament down in LA and he was going to say that he had a job interview there and go. Now, this just goes to show you how little he knows about me right now because I would SO have looked into that claim and he would have been told to not bother coming back once I realized it was a lie. It actually is what I did tell him. If you go, you won't have a family when you come back. You will not be welcome in our home. I said it calmly (One of the few calm things said that day. It was a BAD day.)
And then made my plans to get away so I didn't have to sit around at home wondering what he would choose.
So when we got home from our trip, I washed clothes and repacked them. I reorganized the travel gear and packed up on Monday. Tuesday I got up, got the kids ready, had a babysitter come and help me pack lunches and the car (I had to take Baby Boy to a doctor's app't so the babysitter was already there) and drove away.
I will admit, I did hope that coming home to find his family gone would be shocking. Was it?
I will admit that I did hope that it would help him realize that his family life that he thinks he can hold onto while living this other life is precious and fragile. Did it?
I will admit that I did hope it would make him think twice about going out on the 25th to be with her. Did it?
So there we are. He is now in LA at some softball tournament (she's a coach--and a middle school PE teacher). He is supposed to fly home on Tuesday morning. Funny how he said weeks ago that work told him he couldn't take ANY time off in the end of July, but somehow when she sends him an airline ticket he jumps and his work can deal with it.
Supposedly he has 'taken precautions' by making sure they have a friend there at all times. You know, so he doesn't become an actual cheater or an actual adulterer. Because what he is doing is by his definition NOT cheating.
I know, right? Anyway.
What gets me is that he didn't really try to talk to the kids or anything. It was like we were gone and he thought to himself, 'score! noone to get in the way of my freedom!' Which is what a teenager would think, so I'm pretty sure that was about the depth of what went through his mind.
I'm not sure if there is a bridge under my feet or wings on my back. But, Saturday I didn't feel either. Today I feel like I can face the day. Maybe not the future. But I can face today. That's going to have to be good enough for now.
We have not spoken since Monday night. And texted only a few times. Those I'll discuss tomorrow.
Tonight, I'm with my BFF.
Gonna watch a movie and giggle like the goofs we are.