Thursday, July 30, 2009

An Open Letter to Beloved

Dear Beloved,

I feel like lately when we talk you hear only parts of what I am saying and jump to the conclusion that you understand everything fully.

I feel like I need to clarify a few things.

First of all:
I do not hate you. I repeat. I do NOT hate you. So stop telling me that I do. And stop telling yourself that I do. Because I don't feel that way at all.
I love you. I am very sad for you. I am worried about you. I am disappointed in the choices you are making.

I am not keeping our children from you forever. You need time to think about what you want and I need time to breathe. I am giving us that.
Of course, you aren't taking advantage of it in a productive way, but I cannot make you cease contact with Sh___ so that you can think through your options in even a semi-clearheaded state.

You seem determined to do this the hard way, and to make your decisions armed with a foggy brain and hardened heart. I cannot change that.
Only you can.
And you so obviously do not want to.

You said something that bothered me tonight. (Which, to be honest is the reason that I got up out of bed to type this email.)

You said you deserve pain and misery, etc.

That is simply not true. Now...there ARE consequences to your current (and, if you continue...) choices which WILL result in pain, misery, loneliness, self-loathing, etc.
But you do not deserve those things.
Your actions WILL warrant them, and, by choosing the sins, you ARE choosing the consequences.

But YOU...

You, Beloved's Full Name--YOU deserve so much better.

YOU deserve so much more than you are willing to give yourself right now--Than you are choosing for yourself and your family.

Your Father in Heaven wants to give it to you.
Stop being so hell-bent (ha ha! pun intended) on turning away from Him.

I'll think about what we discussed. I'm praying about it, too. I'll let you know what I decide when I decide it.
You have some decisions to make, too. Maybe you should talk to Bishop, while you are at it. As for the blessing Grandpa gave you. Maybe it is time you started listening to it.

Again, LOVE you. NOT hate you. Seriously. Don't you know me?



MiMi said...

I wondered why you were up so late! Even in this mess, you sound so clear headed and loving.

Anonymous said...

I don't blog. I don't read blogs. I believe, but not in a way so I go to church. I love but sometimes I feel so lost.
I am reading your blog. I believe now in a way so I have to go to church. i now know, from this very post, what love really is. I know I haven't read all of your posts and I'm dying inside for knowing what the end of it will be.
But to have loved so purely, beautifully and unselfishly is truly a gift from God.
Thanks for making me see the light.