Thursday, July 2, 2009

Two nights ago...

This is waht happened Tuesday night. I'll tell you the rest tomorrow. Please ignore grammar and spelling problems. I don't care enough to fix them right now. Thanks.

Also, I commented in the post below. Thanks for all the comments.

He came into the bedroom where I was reading in Romans and he said he was going to go for a drive to call her. I said why and he said because he told her he would so I said, well, it's good you keep your promises. I know, snarky, but I couldn't help it.
Then we talked for a few moments and I was SO MAD that I wanted to grab him by the throat. I really had to stop and just sit there on my bed and pray for several minutes until the feeling went away. And once I felt peaceful I stopped and guess what happened?
I looked at him and knew I had to say no. And I said it so nicely. Seriously, I could feel the peace all through my countenance. He looked flabbergasted.
He asked what I meant by no, and honestly I didn't know what I meant I just knew I had to tell him and so when he asked I said, I don't know yet, I guess we'll just have to see.
he didn't like that. It made him stop to think.
He was like, "I need to know if it is the difference of sleeping on the couch or sleeping in my car" And I said, I don't know. Because, I tell you I really didn't know. As I was saying it, I was (in my head) panicking, thinking, oh my gosh. What am I doing? What if he just leaves? But I knew that the powerful peacefulness I felt was the spirit and I knew that I had to say what Heavenly Father wanted me to say. The sad thing is, I was totally planning on letting him go call her. But I knew at that moment what I had to say and do. not a moment sooner.
So after a long while he decided he was going to go.
And I said, so you've made your choice?
I told him several times, that the choices he is making are leading him to an end he will not like. And so after I asked if he has made his choice he said, "well, yeah. I know it's a gamble, but I'm going to take it."
So i looked him directly in the eye and said, "it's not a gamble. It's a choice"
And he said 'well, if i don't know what the consequence is, then it is a gamble" and I said no it isn't, it's his choice. because (well, like I said above, his choices are leading him to nothing good)
I want to make it clear, here that I totally remained calm and peaceful during the whole 20 + minute conversation. Well, not so much conversation all the time. There was a lot of quiet thought going on. I let him think as long as he wanted to.
So then I asked him if he could live with any of the consequences. and he said no, there are some that he could not live with. and I said, oh.
Then he sat down again and was quiet for a moment. Then he said, what are you telling me? He really wanted me to spell it out for him, and frankly I didn't know until the words were coming out of my mouth WHAT I was going to say, but here it is:
I felt like I had to say, Well, you can call her and tell her that you aren't going to talk tonight, but you aren't leaving this house to do it.
And I told him that if he leaves he is making a choice. It comes down to what do you want more? He can go and call her and talk to her or he can stay and be a part of this family.
I said I'm your wife and I'm asking this of you right now.
Then he was like, "are we going to go through this again in a few days when I want to call her again?" and I said, we'll just have to see.
But then I said, if you want to call her from work and waste your time and not be a good worker, that's your thing.
But when you get home, you are MY husband. And the Father of MY children.
Then I told him (later) because he was like, "so now you aren't ok with me calling her from home. How much longer till you aren't ok with me calling her from work?" And I just answered 'I don't know" which is true. Heck I didn't know I was going to tell him "no" until it just HAD to come out!
So he sat for a long time. And then he said he was going to leave the room and get water. And I could hear him pouting.
He was walking pouty and stuff. He acts a lot like a teenager.
So then he came back and I just kept reading my scriptures (which is what I was doing when this all started ) and I think it was my calm peacefulness that unnerved him.
I think he realized I meant business.
Though I have to tell you, again: I knew it was all the Lord directing me, because I thought, what the heck? If he leaves I'm going to have to do seomthing and I don't have any idea what. But I knew if it came to that the Lord would show me what to do next.
But he still tried to push it. He was all, "I'm going to go for a walk, just a short one to call her." and I was like, "ok, anything else?" and I could tell he was like 'crap'. SO then he said 'well, I'm not going to call her. I'll tell her I am not. I'll text her."
I said, "that's your choice. I'm being pretty nice about this, here. So you can tell her that you aren't talking, but you'll do it from this house."
ANd he sat for a while longer and said, 'does the garage count?' and immediately he was like, 'ok, no, i was kidding'
Which i wanted to laugh at, but didn't. THen he got up and texted her in the living room. As he was leaving I said, "oh, and you can't refer to me as the 'b' word". I was TOTALLY joking, but he was really offended by it. Whatever. (see, I'm a total b word)


MiMi said...

Aaahh! I can feel my blood pressure going up!
I can't believe he's just like, "Oh, hey wife of mine...ya know the one I married and have kids with?? Yeah, I'm gonna leave the premises to call a girl who I have a crush on right now." Oh you are way better than me, sister, I would've had to punch him. I mean really. Really just smack him. You are much closer to God than I, because I would've said, "Sorry, God, please forgive me cause I'm gonna hurt him now."
Your physical smack would be less hurtful to him than his emotional wallop he gives you when he says he's calling her. Argh.

The Johnson Family said...

I seriously can't believe your attitude and patience. You must be close to the Lord right now, there's no other way any women would put up with all that you are right now. He is so cruel to be behaving this way to you and your family.
I know he is so involved in his own fantasy life right now, but sooner or later he is going to see the consequences of his actions.
What does Shannon's husband and kids have to say about the whole thing. I guarantee her husband is not nearly as understanding and loving as you are.
Way to follow the spirit! I know that he doesn't have the Holy Ghost with him right now because of his choices, but he can still feel the spirit prompt him when he hears you speak the words the Lord has put in your mouth.
You are truly an example of Christlike love and turning the other cheek.

Gigi said...

Dear Mimi and Johnson family. We'll see how you feel tomorrow. But thanks.

wonder woman said...

In an earlier comment I was going to say he sounds like a 16 yo boy. But I thought that might be kinda mean, so I didn't say it.

Good for you. Following the Spirit. Reading scriptures in your downtime. I think you also know that like a teenager, the more you restrict something, the more desired it becomes. So I understand your attitude and "willingness" to allow him certain behaviours. Maybe he'll get it out of his system.