Monday, August 10, 2009

OK...Breathe...Breathe...Easy, Tiger!

OK. First of all, Thank you to Sweet Ash for talking me down from my ledge of insanity. (Red, no worries. It's a figurative ledge...;o)

She helped me see that there may be something more to it and that it is easy enough just to wait for FIL to return my call or call him again to find out what exactly is going on with him friending her on FB. (also, thank you to all the commenters who reminded me of the same thing. sorry you don't get credit, Ash beat you to the punch. *wink*)

OK. sorry I had to take another moment to breathe.

So FIL called me and I was able to talk to him for the first time about this whole...Beloved and me...thing. I don't know what else to call it.

He said that SHE requested to be his friend and he answered back, "Sure, Now, who are you?" and she said something about being from C...the town they lived in when Beloved went to High School.

He swears he hasn't talked to her or had any kind of conversations with her beyond that. I don't know if I totally believe him, but I want to. So I'm kind of torn.

We did have a very nice talk. I told him why it upset me so, that I don't know what is going through his head and is he thinking, "oh, my new daughter, I guess I'll get to know her..." Which kind of surprised him. He told me not to think that. And then we talked for a little while longer. He asked me what is happening now, since he hasn't talked to Beloved in a long time. I told him.

I felt better after talking to him. I am not sure if he won't try to contact her now, but I can't exactly stop him from doing it. Like we all know, agency is agency. The only one I can control is me. So there we have it. At least he knows that I feel it would be a betrayal for him to begin a relationship with her now. And how I feel in general.

Sweet thing--he said he felt so blindsided by this. I said, 'yeah. me, too!'
Everyone does.

Beloved was (and I know inside--deep--he still is) the most incredible man. Good and loving and giving and kind and genuinely wanted to do what was right and what was pleasing to God. Two friends stopped by today. Both of them said the same thing, that they would have been less shocked and surprised if their own husbands had done this, than Beloved. They could not understand how Beloved would do this.

And neither can I in some ways. But some days...some moments I can see things--just glimpses--so clearly. And I feel like we are right where we are supposed to be: In the refiner's fire. But do we make it out of the fire purified and gleaming? I hope so.

The hardest part of this is seeing the pain in his eyes. Those moments when he lets me in...like tonight. And I just want to lie down and weep for him.

It is like...I feel as though...


I have witnessed an angel fall.



7 comments:

The Johnson Family said...

Eloquent! It amazes me how powerful the words are that you write.
Good luck tomorrow (for lack of a better term). You will be in my prayers.

wonder woman said...

I'm so glad you were able to talk with your FIL and hear his side. And tell him a little bit more about what's been going on.

I know you've heard the story about the woman watching a silversmith at work, but I'm sending you a link to the story. I just happened to have read it in gospel doctrine on Sunday and read a few things I had forgotten. Since I don't know how to link it in a word, I'll send you an e-mail.

d said...

i hurt for you and your family

Karen said...

I have always wondered what I might do or how I might react if I were in your situation.

I still don't know, but I'm willing to bet I would handle it with lot less grace and dignity than you are.

I'm glad you talked things through with your FIL. I don't know you, I don't know him, but his explanation does sound reasonable. What I find most disturbing is her brazen attempts to worm her way in by connecting to his family. But you're right. Everyone has agency and the only thing you can control is the way you handle this situation.

And, so far, I'd say you are doing an admirable job.

MiMi said...

I am so glad you were able to talk to your FIL, you never know what could be happening.
So many people try to friend others on FB and they don't even know em! I know one of my SIL's tried to friend my other SIL and they know NOTHING of eachother. It's just weird.
I am amazed at the depth of positive emotion and love and warmth you still carry. Keep on keepin' on Gigi. The world needs more people like you.

Bumpkin on a Swing said...

Found you through The Housewife, and have read the whole story, and I just think it is better for me not to comment, let's see you say ;) when you feel this way. My readers can tell you that he would get a letter from The Bumpkin. However, I did want to say I too checked in on you today, as you have been heavy on my mind and heart today. Sending prayers up in Mississippi for you!

Penelope said...

it's still a bit odd...i can't imagine my father even having a facebook account, let alone saying "sure you can be my friend, now who are you?" to some strange younger girl writing to him. he would have totally ignored her.

is he going to block her now? or talk to her and tell her to get lost?