That pretty much sums it up.
"I can't seem to make it through Sundays. I can't seem to make it through Sundays. Monday through Saturday I get by just fine. Every other day of the week I feel all right, but, I don't know why--I don't know why..."
If you haven't heard of Lucinda Williams, well you should get to know her. She's a little bit rock a little bit folk a little bit country. I heart her. And I don't listen to country. My favorite albums by her are 'lucinda williams' and 'car wheels on a gravel road' and 'sweet old world'.
Sundays are hard for me. I don't know why. Perhaps it is because he isn't there with us. Perhaps it is because I'm trying to avoid people asking me where Beloved is. Perhaps it is that so much of what is said on any given Sunday can apply to my situation. And I think "He knows this. How is he so far past caring?!" Perhaps it is that there are people there who love me and my family (and Beloved) and who understand my struggle and I feel safe, then, to just...be. Perhaps it is just nothing I can put my finger on.
But I just have a hard time on Sundays. And I don't want to come home. And I don't want to see him when I'm already down. But it's Sunday. And he wants to be with our kids. And our kids want to be with their parents. So it is here.
Friday a friend brought me some beautiful, sunny flowers. I was grateful for them on Friday. They were bright and cheery. Sunday I was even more grateful, since they sat in the middle of the table and at dinner I didn't have to see his face.
It's just...how I feel on Sundays. Like I just want to curl up with my kids and hunker down in a blanket and go to sleep...until Monday, and not have to bother with Beloved. Just for the day.