I need to thank you all for your prayers on my family's behalf. God heard them, let me tell you.
All afternoon I felt peaceful. Then I started to panic. 'Why do I feel peaceful? Why aren't I freaking out? Shouldn't I feel sick to my stomach?'
And then I thought, 'Ok, Gigi, if you are feeling peaceful, it is a gift from Heavenly Father, so just take it and be thankful for it.' And so I was. I still prayed for my kids. I still asked you all for your prayers. (Thank you for them!!!)
But tonight, my children were at peace as well.
Beloved expressed his love for them and then explained that he is living at a friend's house. That he moved some things over there while we were gone and that he will be sleeping there from now on and that if they want him to, he'd like to come over every day, and if they don't want to see him, he won't come over, and if they are scared and want him in the middle of the night, he'll come then, too.
Big Girl kept looking back and forth at me and him. I just tried to send her love, because I was most worried about her. Big Boy just sat and listened quietly. Beloved said that they can ask him questions any time and if they feel like being alone they can tell him, and if they are angry they can tell him that, too. Big Girl asked, 'when are you coming back?' And Beloved answered, 'I don't know. I just don't know.' And Big Girl said, 'ok.' He reminded them that he loves them and this has nothing to do with how much he loves them, etc.
Big Boy said, 'ok.'
Big Girl said, 'ok.
Baby Girl (4) twirled around the room. (Beloved had to repeat the conversation with her later, as she wasn't listening at all.)
Baby Boy (1) is too young to know anything.
After the talk was over and a little while later I was alone and I prayed because I was confused (see, I'm a little thick sometimes) that they weren't crying and all. And I felt like, for a moment I could feel what their hearts felt like and I could feel that Heavenly Father had done for them what he had done for me that first night and had cushioned their hearts and held them up so it doesn't hurt so bad.
Big Boy seemed releaved to know what was going on. Big Girl, I am going to watch, but I think she had a feeling it was coming. There have been things she has said to me. I should post about that, shouldn't I? (Note to self...)
Do I think that there will be times that they cry and carry on and are angry? Sure. Heck, I do it, why shouldn't they? But I am thankful for right now. I think that is all I can really do right now: Be thankful for the blessings when they come, and then face the next challenge. It's pretty much new every day.
I want to thank you all for your love and prayers. I really feel them.