Thursday, September 10, 2009

Identity Crisis

Well, ok, not really. But I have been thinking lately about how much of my life and myself is consumed by this whole mess.

And I have been thinking about how lately when I think of myself I think "Gigi" instead of my real name. When I think of Beloved, his name doesn't always come first to mind, often I think first of "Beloved" (which, to be honest, is how I thought of him before, so that isn't much of a stretch, except for now I almost call him that to people when I'm talking).

What does that say about me that I consider myself Gigi? I mean, this IS me, writing. And this IS me being ME. So why shouldn't I think of myself with that name? It used to be a nickname my big sis had for me.


You tell me. Is it weird? I really don't know.

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OK. Here are a few readers whom I am worried about or hoping to hear from. (I know that was grammatically horrific...I really don't care. Oh, what am I saying? Of course I care. It's going to bug me, just like it usually does, but I am going to choose not to notice it. Laziness helps...)

P: I am praying for you and your beloved. I haven't stopped. I keep checking to see if you've written more. I am hoping since you haven't that you are doing ok. You don't need to contact me. Just know I'm pulling for you.

Anonymous blogger who set up an 'imnotgivinguponyou' email: I've responded. I hope you haven't given up on answering me. Where are you? I would like to hear your story, if you are still sharing.

Cameo: I am praying for you big time, too. How is your baby? Are you OK? Please let me know. Email me or something. When you get a chance. No rush....I'll just be sitting here drumming my fingers... ; )

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To the rest of you, and my commenters, I love you love you. And I am sorry I am so slow about replying to comments. I'll be going through my emails and clearing them out this weekend. Maybe that will help? We shall see.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Check out this awesome article Gigi. I am pulling and praying for you! http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/02/fashion/02love.html?_r=2

Karen said...

Gigi, it sounds like you're doing a decent job of holding things together. I don't think it's weird that you think of yourself in your blog name. But then, I use my real name so I wouldn't really know.

Still thinking of you!

jmn2001 said...

Hee hee, I think of you as Gigi now too sometimes...glad it's not just me :-)

Hope everyone's feeling better.

Love you,

S.

tori said...

Hi Gigi. just came over from SITS. I'm going to pass your blog on to a friend who is going through this right now. will be praying for you.

Life with Kaishon said...

Stopping over from SITS. One of my best friends in high school was called Gigi. I miss her!

JustRandi said...

Honestly? If it helps you deal, and it's not hurting anyone, I say grab it and hang on with both hands.

The name, the persona, whatever it takes.

Stephanie said...

P.S....ummm if you ever doubt that you're a great and amazing person..check out the fact that you're worried about the people who leave comments on your blog :-)

S.

k a b l o o e y said...

Hey, you don't know me and you have enough on your plate, so please don't waste energy catching up with me. I just want to keep reading and making sure you're ok. my best,

Lena Blair said...

Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!!!!

When I read your comment on the SITS blog, my heart sank. I have been there. My husband was unfaithful to me too. We are still together and even though its been 6 years since it happened, I still check his emails and phone because its so hard to trust him. if you ever need someone to talk to who has been in the same place that you are and will NOT critisize your decision to not give up, Im only an email away!!!

Red said...

Hi, Gigi - got your blog off of Shop Girl. Definitely going on my blogroll - can't wait to keep reading. Even if the happy ending one day doesn't work out the way we imagine (funny how that works - the Lord's plans are so different from how we envisioned our own) I look forward to it.

Incredible, isn't it, how not a single one of us is immune, eh??

Much love from my way. :)

MiMi said...

I can tell that you are doing okay, aren't you? You sound good. Still funny... : )

Ritsumei said...

I don't find it at all weird that you think of yourself as your screen name. I do that too, more at some times than others, but when I was on a message board where I was signing it and people were responding using my screen name the way you would a regular name - conversationally - I thought of myself like that too. And thinking of Beloved as "Beloved," I don't see how you can go wrong there!