Monday, October 19, 2009

The Friday He Came Home

It has taken me a long time to sit down to type this out. I am not sure all that I will share. It is all kind of mixed up in my mind. I think emotion overload and my head spinning has something to do with it. But in any case, here we go:

Friday (09-25-09) started out with me thinking about what he had said the night before. I awoke and thought about it and decided that I was going to be thankful for what had transpired, but not read too much into it. I thought to myself, "Ok. He needs time. I can do that. If he needs a month, I'll give him a month. If he needs three, I'll give him three..."

On Thursday night he and I talked about Kirby Heyborne and some of his youtube stuff that I saw. I told Beloved he had to see the Kirby Heyborne/Mr. T commercial for Snickers. So I emailed it to him when he went home. Then I wrote in my journal and sent him a few emails of things I found (news stories and a cakewreck that I knew he would hate--er, love). We emailed back and forth that day about them.

When he got home from work on Friday we gravitated to each other. He kept finding me to hug or kiss or just talk. I was doing the same.

After the kids went to bed he and I sat and watched t.v. (I don't remember what) and he took my hand and was stroking it and looking at it with a queer expression. Queer, because I didn't know what it meant. So I asked him, "What? Is it dry?"--because I'm super-classy that way.

He answered with, "No. I just...missed holding your hand."

I didn't know how to take that. So I asked him, "Are you for real? Is this for real?"

And he asked, "What? This?"(indicating his hand holding mine)

And I said, "Yes. Are you serious?"

And we began talking. I wish I could remember how it all began. But we talked. I remember him saying something about coming over and every day I was just so loving and he didn't expect me to cook dinner for him or to be kind or happy to see him, but I did all those things and I laughed at his jokes (a sense of humor is terribly important to him--and me), and I was keeping the house organized and, "and you looked so beautiful. Every day. Why did you do those things?!"

And so I told him, "Well, the looking nice was for me. I like the way I look. I think it's funny that it took this for me to find that I like me. And the house, and treating you that way, well, I wanted you to feel comfortable and welcome here."

And we talked more. He told me everything. He told me how sorry he was, and how he was a fool. And I asked him when he wanted to come home. And he looked like I had just handed him the moon. And he started crying again and said, "I want to come home right now." And I said that he needed to do something first (which was that he needed to tell her it was over).

He had already told her that he would not ever be moving out to be with her. She was pretty upset about that. She had already rented and furnished an apartment in June with the understanding that he would be moving out there.

I was a mess. I wasn't sure what to think. He seemed in earnest, but it felt too easy. I thought, "Have I been through enough? Shouldn't this struggle be longer?" I know, I know, 'don't look a gift-horse in the mouth' and all that. But I couldn't help it.

So I was honest and told him that I was afraid that I'd wake up in the morning and when he came over he'd tell me it was all a joke and wasn't I stupid for falling for it. Or I picured (but didn't tell him this) that he'd be here in the morning with divorce papers, laughing at me, at my gullibility.

He asked me what I wanted him to do and I said that I wanted him to go to his place and call her. Break it off, and come back home. I didn't care how long it took. I wanted to wake up beside him. If this was for real I didn't want to spend another night away from him. He agreed. We kept talking (and crying, and hugging, etc.).

This exchange lasted hours. Neither of us wanted him to leave, but at the same time, we wanted it to be over so he could be home again. At least, that's what I think we both felt.

He left and called her from his cell phone in the car. He told her that he was calling so late because we had been talking and that he had told me everything and that I was willing to take him back. She hung up on him.

He called her back and he explained that it was over and he was coming back home. She called him names and told him he was a rotten person, emotionally abusive and manipulative, etc. She told him not to ever contact her again, which he agreed to. She told him not to call her family or her friends or anything else. He agreed to that, too, and no emails or texts. (Incidentally, BFF and I had a good laugh over this. She said, 'wow she was really covering her bases, there, wasn't she' and we laughed and added, 'and don't send me a telegraph!' and 'no letters!' and 'not even by pony express!' and 'no telegrams, singing or otherwise!' See, it's fun to laugh at inappropriate things...)

I don't remember what else. But he called me on my cell phone and said that he was finished and he was on his way 'home'. That was something that was sweet. While he and I were talking he said a couple of times that he had to go back to his place to get clothes and to break it off with her and come back 'home'--and he would say the word with such relief and delight.

While he was gone I got online and was too confused to write a post about what had just happened. So I finished a post I had been working on earlier and posted it.

I went to my room to read my scriptures and wait. I changed the sheets on the bed (because Big Boy had slept in the bed 2 nights in a row since Baby Boy was having a hard time sleeping and Big Boy drools...a lot. And it was all on Beloved's side of the bed. I figured he probably didn't want to sleep on that.)

I heard his car. I was listening for it. I met him at the door. I opened the door for him and he looked at me and he said, 'I'm home.' and I hugged him and said, "Welcome home." And we cried.

We got into bed and talked for several more hours. I kept waking up because I was being squeezed from behind and because he kept saying over and over " I love you. I love you, honey. "

That's about all I remember.

And so here it is...I asked Beloved if he'd be willing to tell you why he came home. In his own words. He said he would. And he said he'd be willing to answer questions, too. As am I.

HC, I see you left a question and advice in your comment. I will address it in the next post. And, if this is the HC that I think it is, then you should know that I love you right back. And miss you. And wish I could see you and give you a big hug. And bake brownies and goodies on a Sunday afternoon like old times. ; )

OK. Sorry about that, folks. Back to business. So. IF you would like to hear from Beloved, let me know. Not that you have much choice in the matter, since I am going to have him do it anyway. But, if you have a particular question you would like answered, post it or email me with it. I am not saying it will be answered (I reserve the right to tell him not to answer a question if I think it is inappropriate), but feel free to ask it.

Also. If I have left any holes, feel free to point them out to me, too. My email is right there on the right hand side of the page.

Gigi.

23 comments:

Stephanie said...

Gigi,

Ya know how people always sigh at the end of the the lost wallet story of when John and I met...I did the same thing just now. Somethings are just right and you and Beloved are that way. You just belong together.

Hope the healing continues and look forward to seeing you this weekend.

Lots and lots of love,

Stephanie

wonder woman said...

I don't have any specific questions for Beloved, but the nosy part of me is quite interested to hear his side of the story.

I am so, so, so, so happy for you.

MiMi said...

I'm with wonder woman. : )

Joanne said...

Lots of big smiles - hope he has learned his lesson - what a wonderful, understanding amazing woman he is married to and will never mess up again.

Cherish each other - love is a gift and we all deserve to be happy. Wishing you both an eternity of love and happiness.

The Johnson Family said...

Has Beloved read your blog in its entirety? That would probably be really good for him to see, then he knows what you really went through.
I'm with wonder woman too. :) When did he realize that he didn't want to be with Shannon? Is he committed now to fix everything so you can be an eternal family again? It's not goign to be easy for either of you.
Totally have all my support and prayers! Love you!

Alicia said...

Gigi, first of all I must say that every time I read your blog lately, I get up from the computer and sing Loretta Lynne's "You Ain't Woman Enough (To Take My Man)". I can't help it. I'm so happy!

I do have a couple of questions for Beloved.
First: How did you guys meet?
And Second: When did you know that GiGi was the one for you?

Anonymous said...

Since I am family, i would love to know. I wanted to ask when we spoke, but didn't.
-- signed, to lazy to sign in

Karen said...

Gigi, I can't help but wonder how many similar situations would end as happily if women (and men) would stay true to their covenants.

My question for Beloved is said with cheesy grin and tongue firmly planted in cheek:

What the hell were you thinking?

Anne-a-Belle said...

I'm just crying! Tell Beloved that I love him and I knew he'd come back. He's just too special of a person. I prayed for him so much. I know there's a long way to go, but if he's willing to put forth the effort to make it work, I know you guys will make it. I love you guys! I'm still praying for you.

"Q" said...

Ya, I would actually like some details on his thought process. How was the initial contact made and how did that unfold. How did thinking about it become acting on it? What transpired while he was gone? What was he unhappy about in your marriage? Maybe some prospective on keeping secrets from your spouse. My analytical brain would like to read this like a police report but with out all the gory details. I want to understand this cautionary tale.

"Q" said...

BTW "Q" for "querido" make me happy. I am sorry to say I came up with my screen name "Q" from Star Trek. The "Q" were omnipotent... yet flawed. Oxy-Moronical. It seemed to fit me. Quirido is much better use of the letter Q. Now my Q means "omnipotent flawed love" Poetic, no?

Laura said...

Gigi I have been following your story for a while and wow, you are an incredible woman. Beloved is very lucky to have you as his eternal companion. It has made me so happy to hear that he finally came back and realized what he almost lost.

RoryPaints said...

Ok, since we're bringing Beloved into this...see my last comment on the previous post. Love you guys!
PS: Oh, and I'm so glad you included the "pony express" conversation because that was a dang funny highlight to my day!

HC said...

Girl, This Sunday we eat homemade chocolate chip cookies, ice cream, and chocolate lava cake at our family dinner.

And just so you know I will never forget how you quoting Princess Bride - word for word, as we backpacket through the back county in Yosemite.

We are so far, so grown-up from that time and place.

Love you.

Tianna said...

I have a question for Beloved:

What made you realize your love for Gigi?

And

What actions are you taking to insure your commitment and loyalty to your relationship for the remainder of your life and beyond?? ---Ok, you don't really have to answer this one (as it is quite personal)...but my curiosity is getting the best of me, if you do decide to answer it.

I know for a surety that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, all things can be mended. Elder Neil L. Andersen in this last General Conference spoke wonderfully on the topic of repentance and forgiveness (http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1117-14,00.html). The last two posts reminded me of his words,

"Sometimes we wonder why we remember our sins long after we have forsaken them. Why does the sadness for our mistakes at times continue following our repentance?

...The scriptures do not say that we will forget our forsaken sins in mortality. Rather, they declare that the Lord will forget.

...As we honestly confess our sins, restore what we can to the offended, and forsake our sins by keeping the commandments, we are in the process of receiving forgiveness. With time, we will feel the anguish of our sorrow subside, taking “away the guilt from our hearts” and bringing “peace of conscience.”
For those who are truly repentant but seem unable to feel relief: continue keeping the commandments. I promise you, relief will come in the timetable of the Lord. Healing also requires time."

From what I am reading, Beloved seems to be on the path of repentance, which is a beautiful one if he stays true. There is such joy that comes from honesty, integrity and loyalty in marriage. My prayers are with you both.

Tianna

Joanie M said...

I's like to know his side of the story too.
As you know, I went through very much what you did, although my marriage ended in divorce.

I still hope my ex wants to come back, but now, only to tell him what he can do with himself.

Gigi, you are an amazing woman and I hope your husband realizes this and tells you every single day of your life!

Michelle said...

thank you, thank you for finding me. I look forward to reading your entire story. much love, Michelle

Housewife Savant said...

Holy mackeral Gig, I'm happy that his return is complete.

What you're feeling is mistrust, I reckon, and it's probably natural. If your Mr. is who he says he is you'll grow to trust him completely.
Good for you both.
Now I'm glad there was no stabbing.

kanishk said...

Ya, I would actually like some details on his thought process. Work From Home

Anonymous said...

It has been two years since I was disfellowshipped for one act of infedelity. There is forgiveness through the Atonement. I am proof of that. My husband has been very forgiving, loving, and patient. He has also been very moody and angry. As time goes by the latter is less and less. Time will heal. Don't expect anything to ever be the same as before. Your family has been wounded, but sometimes our wounds make us even stronger.

Queenie Jeannie said...

Soooooooo happy to be reading this, even if I'm late to the party! God bless you both and your marriage.

Anonymous said...

My husband and I are going through something very similar. How do you know he has cut all contact with her? When do you finally believe him and how do you know he is not manipulating you? He apparently had this woman believing he wanted to be with her to the degree that she started a new life. Maybe he is a manipulator...

Gigi said...

Anonymous above me:

Because he never has been manipulative. I think my eyes are pretty wide open now. Whatever rose colored goggles there existed in the beginning of our marriage and up until June 5th have been torn from my eyes. He's never been that way.

But you bring up a good point. She moved out a week after I yanked it out of him that he was having an affair. And she had an apartment all set up and furniture and everything. A week later. Doesn't that seem REALLY fast, to you? I pointed it out to Beloved recently that this probably isn't her first affair if she was so willing and quick to leave her son and husband behind. He said, yeah, that after she did that she kept telling him he had to leave me because she had already left her husband.