It has taken me a long time to sit down to type this out. I am not sure all that I will share. It is all kind of mixed up in my mind. I think emotion overload and my head spinning has something to do with it. But in any case, here we go:
Friday (09-25-09) started out with me thinking about what he had said the night before. I awoke and thought about it and decided that I was going to be thankful for what had transpired, but not read too much into it. I thought to myself, "Ok. He needs time. I can do that. If he needs a month, I'll give him a month. If he needs three, I'll give him three..."
On Thursday night he and I talked about Kirby Heyborne and some of his youtube stuff that I saw. I told Beloved he had to see the Kirby Heyborne/Mr. T commercial for Snickers. So I emailed it to him when he went home. Then I wrote in my journal and sent him a few emails of things I found (news stories and a cakewreck that I knew he would hate--er, love). We emailed back and forth that day about them.
When he got home from work on Friday we gravitated to each other. He kept finding me to hug or kiss or just talk. I was doing the same.
After the kids went to bed he and I sat and watched t.v. (I don't remember what) and he took my hand and was stroking it and looking at it with a queer expression. Queer, because I didn't know what it meant. So I asked him, "What? Is it dry?"--because I'm super-classy that way.
He answered with, "No. I just...missed holding your hand."
I didn't know how to take that. So I asked him, "Are you for real? Is this for real?"
And he asked, "What? This?"(indicating his hand holding mine)
And I said, "Yes. Are you serious?"
And we began talking. I wish I could remember how it all began. But we talked. I remember him saying something about coming over and every day I was just so loving and he didn't expect me to cook dinner for him or to be kind or happy to see him, but I did all those things and I laughed at his jokes (a sense of humor is terribly important to him--and me), and I was keeping the house organized and, "and you looked so beautiful. Every day. Why did you do those things?!"
And so I told him, "Well, the looking nice was for me. I like the way I look. I think it's funny that it took this for me to find that I like me. And the house, and treating you that way, well, I wanted you to feel comfortable and welcome here."
And we talked more. He told me everything. He told me how sorry he was, and how he was a fool. And I asked him when he wanted to come home. And he looked like I had just handed him the moon. And he started crying again and said, "I want to come home right now." And I said that he needed to do something first (which was that he needed to tell her it was over).
He had already told her that he would not ever be moving out to be with her. She was pretty upset about that. She had already rented and furnished an apartment in June with the understanding that he would be moving out there.
I was a mess. I wasn't sure what to think. He seemed in earnest, but it felt too easy. I thought, "Have I been through enough? Shouldn't this struggle be longer?" I know, I know, 'don't look a gift-horse in the mouth' and all that. But I couldn't help it.
So I was honest and told him that I was afraid that I'd wake up in the morning and when he came over he'd tell me it was all a joke and wasn't I stupid for falling for it. Or I picured (but didn't tell him this) that he'd be here in the morning with divorce papers, laughing at me, at my gullibility.
He asked me what I wanted him to do and I said that I wanted him to go to his place and call her. Break it off, and come back home. I didn't care how long it took. I wanted to wake up beside him. If this was for real I didn't want to spend another night away from him. He agreed. We kept talking (and crying, and hugging, etc.).
This exchange lasted hours. Neither of us wanted him to leave, but at the same time, we wanted it to be over so he could be home again. At least, that's what I think we both felt.
He left and called her from his cell phone in the car. He told her that he was calling so late because we had been talking and that he had told me everything and that I was willing to take him back. She hung up on him.
He called her back and he explained that it was over and he was coming back home. She called him names and told him he was a rotten person, emotionally abusive and manipulative, etc. She told him not to ever contact her again, which he agreed to. She told him not to call her family or her friends or anything else. He agreed to that, too, and no emails or texts. (Incidentally, BFF and I had a good laugh over this. She said, 'wow she was really covering her bases, there, wasn't she' and we laughed and added, 'and don't send me a telegraph!' and 'no letters!' and 'not even by pony express!' and 'no telegrams, singing or otherwise!' See, it's fun to laugh at inappropriate things...)
I don't remember what else. But he called me on my cell phone and said that he was finished and he was on his way 'home'. That was something that was sweet. While he and I were talking he said a couple of times that he had to go back to his place to get clothes and to break it off with her and come back 'home'--and he would say the word with such relief and delight.
While he was gone I got online and was too confused to write a post about what had just happened. So I finished a post I had been working on earlier and posted it.
I went to my room to read my scriptures and wait. I changed the sheets on the bed (because Big Boy had slept in the bed 2 nights in a row since Baby Boy was having a hard time sleeping and Big Boy drools...a lot. And it was all on Beloved's side of the bed. I figured he probably didn't want to sleep on that.)
I heard his car. I was listening for it. I met him at the door. I opened the door for him and he looked at me and he said, 'I'm home.' and I hugged him and said, "Welcome home." And we cried.
We got into bed and talked for several more hours. I kept waking up because I was being squeezed from behind and because he kept saying over and over " I love you. I love you, honey. "
That's about all I remember.
And so here it is...I asked Beloved if he'd be willing to tell you why he came home. In his own words. He said he would. And he said he'd be willing to answer questions, too. As am I.
HC, I see you left a question and advice in your comment. I will address it in the next post. And, if this is the HC that I think it is, then you should know that I love you right back. And miss you. And wish I could see you and give you a big hug. And bake brownies and goodies on a Sunday afternoon like old times. ; )
OK. Sorry about that, folks. Back to business. So. IF you would like to hear from Beloved, let me know. Not that you have much choice in the matter, since I am going to have him do it anyway. But, if you have a particular question you would like answered, post it or email me with it. I am not saying it will be answered (I reserve the right to tell him not to answer a question if I think it is inappropriate), but feel free to ask it.
Also. If I have left any holes, feel free to point them out to me, too. My email is right there on the right hand side of the page.
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